And when the response to my offer of connection is a firm request to stay away (even though I am treasured) and leave their pain alone; saying that it is enough to value me at a distance loving others and they desire nothing more than to be left behind their walls?
I feel like a traitor to accept that limitation. And yet, given the wounds so easily seen, to ignore this request would only be another act of disrespect in a long line of betrayal.
I want to storm into the past and find the weapons that drove my friend into the darkness. I want to fling the words and actions aside before they strike and tell the blind fools who couldn't see the treasure to open up their eyes.
It is all I can do to honor the suffering of others by seeing it clearly, especially when there is nothing I can do to change the story. It is a constant, ragged scream of agony that leaves me feeling torn, weak, and useless. It would be easier to ignore destruction and pretend not to see. Not only in beloved friends, but the myriad of others in similar circumstances....
Easier ... but then I would be part of the darkness as well.
When I have the chance, I will reach out.... Though I cannot heal the world on my own, I can at least be different than those who unthinkingly or consciously destroy. And if I find a way ... I will live a healing life!
Oh, I hope I can find the strength ...
Inside my own heart I contain the capacity to wound others.
By my own actions I could cause such injury that it lasts a lifetime.
When I see the consequences of such disregard in others, I am driven to turn upon my own tendency toward fear, separation, and judgement and raise a guard against such tragedy with love, connection, and acceptance. Can I protect even the few I am capable of reaching? I don't know.
I will at least do this much.
I will choose to allow the light to rule my life, though I risk suffering under the grinding attack of darkness to do so.
Beneath that vast footprint, I will find the discarded treasures.
If there is only a single drop of beauty left in this world, then that is what I will cherish.
I will search and find hope in the darkest places.
If this is all I can do, then I will invest the best of my ability in loving well.
I hope, someday, if I am ever invited into my friend's injured heart ... that I will not cause further harm.